I'm pretty sure....

But not positive...I don't think I will survive the winter. The rain has barely gotten here and already I'm agitated. I feel like hitting pedestrians with my car and kicking puppies and just generally being an asshole. It's gonna be a long winter. Guess I better drink more.

Uranus is cool.

Tonight I watched a show on the Discovery Channel. It was about Pluto and how it's not really a planet. They talked about Uranus a lot. It's really fun how hard astronomers try to not say Uranus (like yer-anus). I couldn't be an astronomer. I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face. The best part is because they're trying so hard not to say anus, they say Uranus (like urine-us) which just makes me laugh even more. Jenna kept telling me I was retarded cause I snickered the whole time. I didn't really care. Anuses are pretty funny. Then I thought, which was named first? Uranus? Or your anus? Like, I mean, anus. Not yours per se. Kind of like which came first the chicken or the egg? One could sit and ponder for days.

Jenna's anus is named Kipper. Mine's Ted.

By the way, I know anus humor is very juvenile. I just don't care. I laughed so hard writing this blog. Uranus. Think about it.

What I'd like for my anniversary.......

You know, for those special occasions in your life like anniversaries, there is a traditional gift giving system. On your first year, you get paper. On your second, you get cotton. Third, leather. Fourth, linen. And so on, until we get to year ten, which is supposed to be tin or aluminum.

My friend Dennis and I are nearing our tenth anniversary. I met Dennis on a cool fall day, at my parent's drycleaners where I was working. It was cool, we sat outside and smoked cigarettes. Dennis was dating my friend Matt, and Matt wanted me to meet him. We were insta-best buddy friends. Dennis has been one of my favorites for a long time. Then, we kinda fell out of touch for a few years. On my first weekend in Seattle, I went to a party and randomly found Dennis. We were insta-best buddy friends all over again. It was pretty rad.

I was sitting on my couch with Dennis the other night and we were awestruck that we had known each other for a decade. It's completely unbelievable. So I said, "What are you getting me for our anniversary?" and Dennis had a quick witted (aka dick head) response. "I think I'm going to give you a paper plate, to symbolize how disposable our realtionship is."

Ummmmmm....helllloooo Dennis. The first anniversary is supposed to be paper. Not that you gave me any paper then. Dick. You're so cheap you couldn't even get me a frickin roll of aluminum foil. Or a tin can. A paper plate. I pretty much hate you.

I am easily distracted

Yeah. How bout that?

My Eagle Ears

I don't know if you know this about me or not, but I have supersonic hearing. That's right, I can hear a pin drop from 5 miles. In fact, my hearing is so freaking good that I can hear you scoffing at this blog where you sit at your computer. It's true. Because this is my super power, I love to go to restaurants, or malls, or bars or whatever and just eavesdrop on whatever conversations I can. Mostly so I can laugh at how stupid people are. You better believe I mean STUPID, too.

I suppose I should explain the old "eagle ears" thing. I was at work and was accused of having "eagle ears" by Gwen because I heard her talking about me across the room. I think she meant to say "eagle eyes" but it was about my hearing and one thing just led to another. Long story short, I love Gwen for giving me this new saying to giggle over. You better watch the fuck out for my eagle ears, yo.

No. Shut. Up.

Oh my god. And just in case you didn't see the giant dog in the giant yellow rainslicker, it conveniently has a reflective strip down the middle. I almost peed over this.

Computers are funny.

Right now (and this is most definitely NOT the first time this has happened at my house) me, my roomie Jenna, and my friend Sarah (a.k.a. roomie #3) are all sitting in the living room playing with our respective laptops. It's kind of ridiculous, actually. When my little sister was here over the summer, sometimes Jenna and I would both be on yahoo messenger and talk about my sister and how she had no idea that we were totally talking IM smack about her. And she really had no idea. It's kind of funny to sit less than 10 feet away from someone and be chatting online. Everybody is so much funnier on IM, too. Seriously. Everybody is a comedian.

This is a picture of my sister eating nachos.





She loves it when I put this picture up. And yes, I know I'm going to be in a lot of trouble for the IM thing. But tonight, I'm feeling saucy. Sorry, Jenna.