I am easily distracted

Yeah. How bout that?

My Eagle Ears

I don't know if you know this about me or not, but I have supersonic hearing. That's right, I can hear a pin drop from 5 miles. In fact, my hearing is so freaking good that I can hear you scoffing at this blog where you sit at your computer. It's true. Because this is my super power, I love to go to restaurants, or malls, or bars or whatever and just eavesdrop on whatever conversations I can. Mostly so I can laugh at how stupid people are. You better believe I mean STUPID, too.

I suppose I should explain the old "eagle ears" thing. I was at work and was accused of having "eagle ears" by Gwen because I heard her talking about me across the room. I think she meant to say "eagle eyes" but it was about my hearing and one thing just led to another. Long story short, I love Gwen for giving me this new saying to giggle over. You better watch the fuck out for my eagle ears, yo.

No. Shut. Up.

Oh my god. And just in case you didn't see the giant dog in the giant yellow rainslicker, it conveniently has a reflective strip down the middle. I almost peed over this.

Computers are funny.

Right now (and this is most definitely NOT the first time this has happened at my house) me, my roomie Jenna, and my friend Sarah (a.k.a. roomie #3) are all sitting in the living room playing with our respective laptops. It's kind of ridiculous, actually. When my little sister was here over the summer, sometimes Jenna and I would both be on yahoo messenger and talk about my sister and how she had no idea that we were totally talking IM smack about her. And she really had no idea. It's kind of funny to sit less than 10 feet away from someone and be chatting online. Everybody is so much funnier on IM, too. Seriously. Everybody is a comedian.

This is a picture of my sister eating nachos.





She loves it when I put this picture up. And yes, I know I'm going to be in a lot of trouble for the IM thing. But tonight, I'm feeling saucy. Sorry, Jenna.

The proverbial "dog's balls"

I used to have this friend named April in Columbus. She was a super funny girl with some really funny sayings. My personal favorite is when something is really really good, you say it's the dog's balls. For example, "My grandma's cookies are the dog's balls." It makes me laugh like 5 years later.
Last Saturday my friends Dan and Bryan and I decided to go over to Olympic National Forest. We decided to take the ferry, and naturally, since it was Saturday of Labor Day weekend, there was a little wait in line to get on the ferry. Like an hour and a half. At one point, we were behind this car and there was this ginormous dog, like cattle sized. He was super cute, maybe a Great Dane? Well, he started getting frisky in the car, so the owner got out to take him for a walk. We were just hanging out, eating some peanut m&m's. That fuckin dog had the hugest big floppy dog balls I have ever seen in my life. I yelled with shock, "Holy shit! That dog has huge floppy balls!!!!" and my friend Dan almost narfed a peanut m&m. It was seriously the funniest shit ever. The owner and the dog went for a little walkie, and when they came back to the car, Dan had the camera all set up with fast clickie sports settings, and frantically tried to get a picture of the dog's balls so I could post them with this blog. Mostly we ended up with pictures of chubby redneck guy's butt instead of the dog's balls. Titties.

Just so we're clear.

Spiders are scary. They are evil, hairy, and they have more legs than my dog. Which is a problem for me. I don't know if you know this or not, but they can jump, they can fly, and they are most assuredly thirsty for blood. In particular, I mean my blood. It appears both the spiders and the mosquitos agree, I am quite tasty. Knowing all of this, I'd like to share a story about my day.

I was outside at "the beach" (aka the loading dock behind the warehouse) with my friend Jenny. She very casually, and not knowing I would have a panic attack, said, "Liz, I want you to turn around and casually observe the huge spider on the wall right there." Not even thinking, I turned and looked. It was fucking huge. It had to be about 3 feet across. I immediately screamed like a little bitch and ran back into the warehouse. And then I noticed that because the big door was open, everyone in production and receiving was staring at me. I felt like such an ass, I know my face turned purple and I said, "Uhhh.....there was a spider." and shuffled back to my desk. Good times.

My roomie also lost her phone today. That sucks really really bad for her, because we have no home phone. I changed my voice mail just in case any of her friends call me, cause I hate picking up the phone for people I don't know. Jenna said I was silly because I changed my message. Silliness I can deal with. Spiders? Not so much.









Oh, yeah, and just in case anybody ever thinks about playing any tricks on me that involve plastic spiders? I'm smarter than you and I will have my revenge.

My seeeester.

My little sister is the shit. I love her more than any human on the planet. She's kind of a douche, but that just makes her even more endearing. She's going to school in Youngstown, Ohio right now. It's a total party for her. And not ghetto at all. Anyways, the reason for this rant is I just read my sister's myspace profile (myspace.com/katiekins_2010) and I think she just might be the funniest person I know. Wait, the second funniest, but still my number 1 favorite human. Kate, I know you're gonna read this and yell at me for being retarded and blogging about you, but I am older, kinda wiser, and could definitely kick your ass, so I'm not scared. Love you dou. Why do I love Kate you might ask? If you are really so lazy that you haven't looked at her profile by this point in my blog, here's her about me section which is why she rocks:


i'm a myspace whore...it's true, i admit it. i check daily and there's no way around it. i'm living in seattle for the summer with my sister and her awesome roommate jenna. we have some pretty bomb times. i work at fusion beads and love it. everyone at the store is the shit. i'm ready to start as a RA in my sophomore year at YSU (penguins!!!!) and i major in pre-law and english but that might be changing. lol...my friends are pretty much my life. -------- things i like...hmmm...life, the yo, the internet, beads, good pillows, men with a good sense of humor, happiness, my siblings, candy apples, dark chocolate, chocolate brown clothing, old navy, the rack, television, sarcasm, video games, balloons, flowers, love chairs, boxer-briefs, christmas lights, trees, earrings, tattoos, movies, blenders, cheese, diet pepsi, jack daniels, art, music, vintage posters, the beach, the space needle, mountains, eric cartman, the words "douche" and "titties", journals, poetry, lips, carmex, theaters -------- things i hate...gum smacking, bad drivers, round-abouts, passive agressive people, psychologists, athens, the ridges, stupidity, caddy girls, slackers, push-overs, money, being disorganized, techno, southern twang, guns, broken fingernails, dirty clothes, stains

LOL, Kate, LOL.