I'm pretty sure....

But not positive...I don't think I will survive the winter. The rain has barely gotten here and already I'm agitated. I feel like hitting pedestrians with my car and kicking puppies and just generally being an asshole. It's gonna be a long winter. Guess I better drink more.

Uranus is cool.

Tonight I watched a show on the Discovery Channel. It was about Pluto and how it's not really a planet. They talked about Uranus a lot. It's really fun how hard astronomers try to not say Uranus (like yer-anus). I couldn't be an astronomer. I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face. The best part is because they're trying so hard not to say anus, they say Uranus (like urine-us) which just makes me laugh even more. Jenna kept telling me I was retarded cause I snickered the whole time. I didn't really care. Anuses are pretty funny. Then I thought, which was named first? Uranus? Or your anus? Like, I mean, anus. Not yours per se. Kind of like which came first the chicken or the egg? One could sit and ponder for days.

Jenna's anus is named Kipper. Mine's Ted.

By the way, I know anus humor is very juvenile. I just don't care. I laughed so hard writing this blog. Uranus. Think about it.

What I'd like for my anniversary.......

You know, for those special occasions in your life like anniversaries, there is a traditional gift giving system. On your first year, you get paper. On your second, you get cotton. Third, leather. Fourth, linen. And so on, until we get to year ten, which is supposed to be tin or aluminum.

My friend Dennis and I are nearing our tenth anniversary. I met Dennis on a cool fall day, at my parent's drycleaners where I was working. It was cool, we sat outside and smoked cigarettes. Dennis was dating my friend Matt, and Matt wanted me to meet him. We were insta-best buddy friends. Dennis has been one of my favorites for a long time. Then, we kinda fell out of touch for a few years. On my first weekend in Seattle, I went to a party and randomly found Dennis. We were insta-best buddy friends all over again. It was pretty rad.

I was sitting on my couch with Dennis the other night and we were awestruck that we had known each other for a decade. It's completely unbelievable. So I said, "What are you getting me for our anniversary?" and Dennis had a quick witted (aka dick head) response. "I think I'm going to give you a paper plate, to symbolize how disposable our realtionship is."

Ummmmmm....helllloooo Dennis. The first anniversary is supposed to be paper. Not that you gave me any paper then. Dick. You're so cheap you couldn't even get me a frickin roll of aluminum foil. Or a tin can. A paper plate. I pretty much hate you.